Today I realized, that there are different types or forms of self-confidence.

I’ve always been the type of person who has been self confident about my “appearance” or “image”. I’ve been taught at a young age not to compare myself to others physically and to appreciate my own unique beauty. This is not to say I haven’t looked around and noticed or acknowledged other beautiful women but instead I’ve admired the beauty in everyone without questioning my own.

However upon reading the book “Think and Grow Rich” I began to realize that lately I’ve been lacking confidence in my own competence. When I shared this with my accountability partner he found this very interesting. “But you’ve gone to great schools, you have your masters degree…!”

When I started to really think about the reason for my lack in self confidence in this realm, I started to realize that it has been a while since my decisions, actions, behavior have been validated. I have lived a life where I have always unintentionally sought validation. In elementary school – highschool, I always sought validation by getting good grades. In college, I sought validation by getting into my “reach schools”. Once I graduated from school, I sought validation by working for prestigious banks. In other words I’ve sought validation through different forms of status. Since I’ve left the corporate world, I haven’t received the validation that I am used to. I’ve made some decisions that some of the people closest to me cannot fully understand. That “positive” feedback loop no longer exists.

Instead, I realize I must have self-confidence in my judgment. I must have faith in this “uncertain path” I’ve chosen for myself. This quote from “Think and Grow Rich” has helped me to understand the importance of faith in yourself and in your journey:

“Faith is the eternal elixir which gives life, power, and action to the impulse of thought. Faith is the starting point of all accumulation of riches. Faith is the basis of all miracles and all mysteries, which cannot be analyzed by the rules of science. Faith is the only known anecdote for failure. Faith is the element, the chemical, which when mixed with prayer gives one direct communication with infinite intelligence. Faith is the element which transforms the ordinary vibration of thought created by the finite mind of man, into the spiritual equivalent. Faith is the only agency through which the cosmic force of infinite intelligence can be harnessed and used by man.”

The quote above is not about religion or being religious. Although I grew up Catholic, I’m not particularly religious. It’s about having faith that things will turn out positively if you put the work in – if you remain committed and hard working.

How much do you rely on external validation? Are you making an effort to build self-confidence in all areas of your life? Do you have faith in yourself? Identifying the answers to some of these questions could help you identify what’s holding you back.

How do you remain self confident in an environment where you are learning?

Some of the tips, I’ve learned over the years are:

  • Visualize positive outcome – Many times confidence and competence go hand in hand. It is important to maintain a positive mindset. When we approach situations with a negative mindset, we tend to get caught up in a downward spiral. We assume the worse is going to happen, which can make us more nervous and lead to a self fulfilling prophecy. Visualize success and you are half way there.
  • Prepare, Prepare, Prepare – “When we fail to plan, we plan to fail.” Preparing for a meeting or an interview can help us to feel more confident. This is because creating an agenda or outline can help set everyone’s expectations leaving us feeling as though we are more in control of all that happens.
  • Push yourself out of your comfort zone – Identify your weakness and put a plan in place to address them. If you are reluctant to share your opinion or to speak up during a meeting – make an effort to change this. Pick a topic on the agenda, do your research, create a thoughtful opinion or idea and challenge yourself to share it with your team or manager.
  • Learn from experts – Pick a person you admire and do your best to emulate their behavior. If possible, build a relationship with them and see if they can share best practices.